Eddy Spaghetti Penguins Blog

Evgeni:

We are very pleased to see your progress in U S and A, you have truly blossomed into the true superstar we knew you could be. It is with that said that we would like to offer you 12.5 million in tax-free American dollars to come play in our brand new Continental League.

I know what you’re thinking, the last time you played in Russia you were forced to sign a two-year extension for peanuts while we two men brandishing weapons stared menacingly at your father and third traced hearts in your mother’s side-boob.

But that was the OLD league Evgeni, we’ve totally changed!

Here’s how:

- The NAME is different.

- We are now offering ridiculous amounts of money in an effort to lure a major star whom we would parade around and treat as if cured cancer. How did a league that just went through reorganization get access to such rich capital? Who are you? The cops?

- Igor and Ivan have since had their guns taken away and were told if they kept making those faces they would stay that way. Boris was given a stern warning about his tracing habit.

- Have you see the NAME? Notice that it isn’t what it used to be?

- Our league’s first slogan: New Smiles. Same Mob Ownership.

Please consider this offer carefully.

Best,

Continental League Head Office